Well, my birthday was last week. I was kind of dreading it, because it was my first after getting divorced.
I worked on my actual birthday, and it was awful. It was payday, and everyone was there cashing checks. At one point, I literally ran out of money. I'd given one customer $200 in $5's and had a line of angry impatient people glaring at me. All I could do was apologize, say I'm getting a loan, and then say "its my birthday, you can't be mad at me. :)"
So, the next day I went to the University of Texas vs Brigham Young University game at UT in Austin as my birthday present.
I'd heard about it through the mid-singles facebook page, so I assumed it was a mid-singles activity. I imagined meeting some older guys, and having fun at the game making new friends.
Yeah, nope.....
It was a BYU Alumni sponsored event. So, my friend and I went up, and at the tailgate party, were surrounded by BYU alum and families and couples and most of them had flown down from Utah.
It was still fun, but not what we expected.
Tail Gating
The game too, was fun, but again, not what we expected. We were in the very very very top section. It made it nice though, because we could lean against the railing on our backs.
I learned right away that I am a UT girl. I wasn't sure which way I'd go at first, and the second it started, I knew. This made sitting in the BYU section awkward! They'd all stand and cheer and I'd sit there, and when it was our defense up, and we needed to be noisy, or we'd score, I'd be hooping and hollering, nearly by my lonesome.
I loved all the band stuff. Made me miss marching band, and wish I could be in a university band. I was impressed.
The game itself was really close. BYU was in the lead most of the game, with 2 field goals, and the UT scored a touchdown and fieldgoal, leading by 1. Luckily, they held onto the lead, and won the game!! YAY!
Coming onto the field
After UT won
I had a good time, even if it wasn't what I'd anticipated. I did however really really feel the void of my (ex)husband not being there. UT is HIS team. Half his wardrobe is UT shirts. I thought about him close to the entire time, and how he woulda loved it. How he shoulda been there. :/
The next day, I gave a talk at church on Prophets of God during Sacrament meeting. I went over my allotted time, but I think I delivered a good talk. :)
Here's the outfit I wore last week.....
As for my weight loss progress.....I've hit a slump. Again, it happens every other month at the very least. I start eating more and more carbs, and can't stop. I couldn't turn down the cake in the breakroom, or the leftovers my friend left for me. Or the candy I'd split with people.
UGH.
I'm certainly not losing right now, if anything I've gained a pound or two.... :P
But I've acknowledged it, and am TRYING HARD to stop.
I'm obsessed with the Popsicle brand sugar free popsicles. I eat probably 10 a day. They're only like 5 carbs. (which, do the math, that's a lot of carbs, I know, but shhh!!)
IF I am strict on my diet, here's how my daily meals tend to go.....
Morning: hard boiled egg, or protein shake (PS)
Lunch: chicken or tuna salad, or egg, PS, or cheese
Breaks at work/snack: cheese stick, and nuts
Dinner: fajita chicken meat, or PS, or crab meat, or cheese, or turkey dog, or pork rhinds and cheese dip.
Really very little variation. I've even gotten comments about it at work. I don't do many veggies, because its a "waste" of tummy space when I need to get in my proteins.
Fruit is all carbs, and makes my stomach hurt, even though I've bought some this grocery trip.
No breads unless I'm cheating, but I do have some crackers with my chicken salad.
I take a TON of vitamins to make up for my lack of fruits and veggies. Every blood test I've taken post surgery shows good levels.
I can consume between 3-6 oz. I have pushed past it before, and I severely regret it afterward.
I've had a few people question my decision on doing weight loss surgery lately. I think it's because I'm at a point where I'm not SEVERELY overweight anymore, and it seems like a cop-out.
I even had someone call me a cheater.
As you can see from my daily meal plan, there's nothing EASY about this. I KNOW when I eat carbs, I will stop my weight loss, and potentially gain. I am human, and I can only be strong for so long before breaking. I do my best to fix it though.
My weight loss surgery has changed my life. I was 307 lbs. I was depressed, and in chronic pain in my foot every single day. I was pre diabetic and had fertility problems. And on A LOT of medication.
Today, I've lost 92 lbs, can walk long distances with little concern towards my feet, have my blood sugar well under control, and feel less depressed now (divorce and all) than I did back then.
I had tried Weight Watchers, and lost 55 lbs in a year. Had I not torn a ligament and gotten nerve damage in my foot, I may have been able to continue that trend, and lost all that I needed to. Unfortunately, my injury kept me from exercising at all, and I gained it all back.
For me, WLS was my option. It was my saving grace.
It may have caused additional problems in my marriage, but it didn't cause them all.
And, there's NO way I would be as well off as I currently am IF I was still 307 lb, broken, sad Manda.
I may look different, but I FEEL like me. I honestly, for the most part, still feel like I did 92 lbs ago. I'm still Manda, I'm still a goof, I just don't feel fat, don't hurt, and am not depressed.
I am however, lonely. I'm trying to make good choices, and not depend on a warm body, just because it's there. My counsellor wants me to focus on working on me, and not replacing my husband.
I know she's right, and that's pretty much is what it still is at this point.
I'm just lonely and impatient. I'm ready to start my family and live "happily ever after". Not be single and struggle to survive on my own. BLUGH.
Ok, I went off on a side road there.
In summary, I do not regret my decision to have weight loss surgery one bit. It's NOT an easy way out by any means. It was a ridiculously painful surgery, and the strictest diet I've ever been on.
But like I said pre-surgery, it's worth it to me to sacrifice food to have my health, to be able to walk, and to have a baby.
For any of you out there considering it, just weigh the pros and cons out. Can you try a strict diet on your own first? GO FOR IT, and if there's something in the way (like my foot injury), then this may be for you.
Ok, good luck, be safe, and good night!!
Manda
