Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Everything's Changing (Again)

First of all, let me just say, I think it's awesome that I actually have "readers", and that they actually want me to post!!  :D   THANKS VIV!!

It's been a little while since I posted, and I know I even said I'd post a picture of the new hair color.  Well, I TOOK the picture, I just didn't post it.  Heee.

So, here are a few of the last couple week's progress pictures.

I think this is post-dying.  Yes.  Indeed.
This was a few weeks ago.

About 2 Weeks Ago......

This was taken today.  Excuse the scruffy-ness.  Just got back from work.
Down 92 lbs.  Woot.

I look like a goober here.  Der.....
Oh, and I re-did my roots, and went a little blonder in the process.

School started last week.  It's gonna be tough..   I'm in pharmacology.  I'm glad I'm ONLY in that one class this semester.  It's gonna take all I got to stay up with it.
Work is good.  We're down a few people, so it's pretty much one person per shift.  You should hear all the comments we get from impatient people in line.  It REEEALLY sucks on paydays, and the line is out the door, and it's still just little ol me plugging away, one person at a time.

I hit another "milestone" I guess.  I am now down 92 lbs, and hit 215.   Ironically, I haven't gone down a size exactly, but the clothes I have are getting saggy.  I have a belt that I couldn't wear til I'd lost like 50 lbs, and now, I need to add belt holes to it, cuz it's not tight enough.

I started the Singles Branch.  It was a rough transition at first.  I completely and utterly missed my "home ward", and felt all out of place there.  But, about 3 weeks later, I am starting to make friends, and am not feeling like the odd man out anymore.  I like it.  I had had delusions of grandeur that I'd instantly meet cute mormon guys and we'd date.  Well.....the Lord is teaching me humility and patience.  I have a plethora of non-mormon, and retired gentlemen hitting on me, but none that I want to accept.
So, remember last post, the guy who said "hey Gorgeous" to me?  Yeah, we went out.  (I'm a sucker, I know).  He checked out a drink at my register, and wrote his number on the back of the receipt, and folded it up and handed it to me.  I actually have never had a guy give me his digits before. 
We texted some, then hung out some.  We sort of are dating, but not really.  He's technically the closest thing to the guy in my life, but.....yeah not really.  It's fizzled quite a bit here lately too.

I had a friend come temporarily move in with me.  Her and her two kids and two cats.  It's a very very full house now.  We were playing it by ear whether or not to make it permanent, and it looks like it won't be.  But that's been a big chunk of my time too.  Moving around and packing up things, to make room, and cleaning, and hanging out.  It's different with people around again.

My Ginger girl had to have surgery on her knee last week.  She tore her ACL.  She was forced to stay in a cage and be leashed walked all before surgery, and now for 8 weeks post surgery.  She's being a good sport, but is very much tired of being cooped up.  So, at night, I let her on the bed still.  Cuz otherwise she was freaking out in the cage by my bed, and waking me up every 2 hours and panting like a maniac.  So, for my sanity.....I caved.
Close up of her shaved bum and stitches.  She's been licking at em, hence the red.

Yes, I caved again, she's not cage long as she stays calm.  :P

Um, I guess lastly is the divorce.  It's final.  It went down on the 18th.  I had a newer friend come with me, and I'm glad she was there.  It was sad, yes, definitely, but it was more disappointing than anything.  This just feels like such a waste of such a good thing.  He and I had something very rare.  And through losing the gospel in our lives, and taking each other for granted, we lost that spark, that special-ness. 
As per my counseler's advice, I told him I still loved him.  I don't want anything from him, nor do I expect anything back, but I wanted him to know.  My mistake was, even though I didn't expect anything in return, I started to hope for it.  I started planning "our" future together again.  And.....I inevitably got yet another response that crashed me back down to earth. 
I'm not gonna say we'll never get back together again, anything is possible..... but I need to stop planning on it.  Or wishing for it.  I KNOW what I want.  I want a worthy priesthood holder, and to have an actual temple marriage for once.  I had a temple marriage on the surface only before.

I made a list of what I want in an eternal companion.....
It's like super long, and probably picky, but there's a lot of good stuff in it too. 

  • loving
  • caring
  • kind
  • funny
  • cute
  • respectful
  • animal lover
  • Mormon
  • Priesthood Holder
  • temple recommend
  • Return Missionary
  • wants big family
  • education
  • good job/income
  • potential
  • my age +/- 5 years
  • calm
  • peaceful
  • receptive of the Spirit
  • good family
  • not military (haha)
  • sweet
  • humble
  • God fearing
  • music lover
  • active
  • healthy
  • eats healthy
  • can and will cherish me
  • willing to lose a fight
  • charitable
  • Christlike
  • does service
  • will help support my animal rescue dream
  • non-drinker
  • non-smoker
  • non-swearer
  • bigger/stronger than me
  • thinks I'm adorable (cuz I like am...)
  • won't look at anyone else
  • can talk to me about anything
  • good role model
  • no tattoos
  • obeys Word of Wisdom
  • not a work-a-holic
  • handyman
  • good with kids
  • Good father
  • good husband
  • prays
  • makes me feel wanted and loved
  • supports my career
  • trustworthy
  • honorable
  • scout/eaglescout/likes to camp
  • I can be myself with him
  • forgiving
  • has a strong testimony

Yes, i know probably no one can live up to ALL of this, but a lot of these are similar, and a LOT are super important as well.  I'm trying to focus only on guys who can actually live up to this.  I'm also trying to much as I may want it, it's no longer how I can describe my (ex) husband.  That makes me sad, but I'm a big girl, and I'm moving on. 

:)  I promise to keep up with the writing more.  NIGHT!!!!


Sheila said...

Wow, that is quite the list you have there! Good luck with the dating, and it's good that you know what you want, because you are worth it.

Manda said...

:) thanks!
I'm looking for anything with a pulse right now! HAHA JK!!

Princess said...

Good Morning, I read your blog today, I a feel so inspired by your new life and experiences. I really need so serious motivation, I had the gastric sleeve in May 2011 but, I am at a stall and feeling like, BLAH. What's yr secret?

Manda said...

Princess - theres no secret. For me, its literally 100% I cannot eat carbs. Each and every time I sneak some in, whether junk food or fruit, I hit a stall. And even now, when I'm (mostly) following my diet strictly, I know I need to up my exercise level. I have been at a bit of a stall/backwards momentum/slow crawl for months now. It's just dawning on me that its my own fault and I need to up my game, and be honest.
Not saying you aren't trying your hardest, but this is my deal. Try something different. Maybe add good carbs to dspice things up. Maybe cut out more if you eat them. Try a new exercise - your body does get used to repetitive things. Just keep on keeping on. Thanks for the comment!! Good luck. Oh, and I updated my blog (finally) if you wanna read it. :)