Saturday, July 30, 2011

85 and 222!

Well, I hit 222 lbs today, for a total of 85 lbs lost.
I feel a little lack luster though, with realities of my divorce sinking in.

It's just over 2 weeks away, and panic is starting to set in.  I'm so worried about money.  I need to finish school so I can make more money, but I can't make money while going to school.  Argh.

Today I'm stuck in a mood of feeling like I will never fall in love again, or at least will never find the right guy.  He's not out there.  Like going to single's activities won't lead me anywhere.
I still feel like the fat girl begging to be loved. 

I am AAALLLLLMMMMOOOOSSSTTT officially a non plus sized person now. 
I'm right on the border.  It's crazy.  It's completely unchartered territory.

Ok, well, I gotta run, but I thought I'd update.  Will do body shots tomorrow after church so I look pretty.

:)  Manda

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

80!! BUM BUM BUM!!!!

Well I'm back on track!  I have officially hit 80 lbs now!!!  Oh, AAAANNDDD  I'm in the 220's   WHOOOOOOO!!!
I'll take some pictures the next time I'm presentable enough to not break the camera lense.  :D

I even got to take the dogs on a walk this morning.  I threw out all the carbs in my house (again)....yes, it wasn't the first time, and won't be the last time I'll be doing that.  It proved to be the key to getting my momentum back.  I lost a good 7 lbs in a week or so.

Work is going extremely well.  I really like it there.  Making some good friends too.  :)

School is going well.  If I do good on my finals, I SHOULD HOPEFULLY FINGERS CROSSED make A's in both classes.   I've got my schedule planned for fall semester, and its gonna be tough, but I can dooo iiitt!!

2 days ago, I found a pit bull running loose in the WalMart parking lot, on my way in to work.  Of course, I tried to catch it, and the darling thing came to me when called.  I put him in my car, and drove home, and set him up in the bathroom as quickly as I could.

On my lunch break, i rushed home to let the dogs out, and "Chance" (what I'm calling him) had torn up my bathroom.  Nothing too permanent thank goodness.  He pulled down all my towels, pulled out all the babywipes, knocked bottles all over, and did tear up my wooden mat some.

When I got home, I let him meet my dogs.  Normally I wouldn't expose my animals to a strange animal (diseases and whatnot), but he seemed quite healthy, and really couldnt just stay in the bathroom the whole time.   So, while leashed, I let him meet the others. 
They wrestled like mad.  It was worse when I took him off the leash.  I had to keep quirting them with water and yelling at them.
When I brought him in to meet the cats, he was leashed again.

This little man (still a puppy, but about 1/2 of full size grown) is sooo rambunctious.  He literally twirls. 
It was a pretty stressful night and morning with his getting into mischief, chasing cats, pottying in my house, and whining (more like shrieking) every time he was locked up, oh and not to mention the dogs wouldnt potty outside, they'd just wrestle. 

Well, in the morning, I took him over to Animal Control to get scanned for a microchip.  No chip.  But someone HAD called in looking for a dog matching his description.  When they called the guy back, the description matched up again.  So, I waited, and they came to get him.
Normally this would make me happy and sad, but this case I just felt off-put.
I was 4 thug looking guys that didn't even bother to bring in a leash, just a collar that was too small.  Then they picked up his front legs and toddler walked him to the car.
Chance's demeanor went from happy and smiling, to sullen and scared.
They didn't even say thank you to me. 
I got such an awful feeling.  I just hope they don't abuse him, and if they do, that he gets out again, and either I or Animal Control find him.  AC said they'd call me if he came back in.
I am thankful he's found his owners.  It was an answer to my prayer.  I just couldn't handle him on my own.

Other than that, life is good.  I'm doing my best to better myself in any way that I can.  It's really fun and exciting.  I lived locked up and shut off for too long.  Time to embrace life and have fun!!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Lots of Changes Since Last Post

Well, I apologize for my lack of posting.  I guess I didn't know how much or what exactly to share.  It's been 2 months since my husband dropped the divorce bomb on me. 
We've had many highs and lows since then, but have sort of evened out, and settled down.
We are getting a divorce.  It will be finalized Aug 18th.  I know it seems fast, but there's a few reasons behind it. 
Since this began, I started school.  The summer session started in June, and I'm taking 2 classes.  It's been tougher than I expected.  I chose online so I could get a job, and I'm not great at keeping up with reading.

I got a job, yay!!  I work at a local Wal Mart.  I really enjoy it.  The biggest problem is being on my feet the whole time.  The 8 hour shifts are the worst.  My foot has healed significantly since losing so much weight, but I think this is making me regress.  So, I'm trying to get in to see the podiatrist before I lose my insurance.

Church is going steady and strong.  I started having the missionaries come weekly to sort of go through the discussions with me again, and it has been so nice having their spirit in my home.  They even started doing service projects for me.  They helped me do yard work, and pulled up all the linoleum in my kitchen and bathroom, and laid down peel and stick!  It looks so great!
Just 2 days ago, I cooked a big "thank you" feast for em.  I made my famous sugar cookies, and even the health conscious one had a half dozen HERE!  :D

My weight loss has hit a bit of a snag.  I haven't had time or drive to exercise or walk in the mornings, and I've been eating candy and crap.  I'm to blame, and I'm not surprised I'm not losing.....
in fact, I'm kind of gaining.  UGH. 

I Hit my personal goal of 235....
It was the weight I'd put on my military ID back in 2005, and it was a lie back then, and has been ever since.  I ALMOST attained it when I did weight watchers, but not quite, so YAY!!
I continued to drop and actually saw the 220's for one day, and then it came back.
As of this morning, I'm at 234.  But I threw away the crap I'd brought in the house, and am trying to start fresh.
I honestly don't know why I eat candy and crap.  It makes my stomach feel awful the second I swallow, but it doesn't stop me.  It's an addiction, and the more I eat it, the worse it gets.

I had my 10 year high school reunion last month.  It was so great.  My goal had been to lose 50 lbs by then, and I was at 75!!  I fit into a size 16 dress, and felt not fat!  LOL!!
I'm on the left in the blue.

I had so much fun, and was so glad I went!!!

I was able to fit in to my prom dress too!  Here's the original pic, and the current pic!

In other news, I have been training my big dogs to not have to go in their cages when I'm at work.  I hated the idea of them being confined for long periods every day, and now they get to stretch and play and sleep on the bed or couches. 
They've been doing so great.  I try and leave a bone out for them, so they have something to chew on, instead of looking for something to chew on.
The only bad thing they've gotten into, was like day 2, the cats pulled out the rubber mouth opening to the garbage disposal, and Tink chewed it into a thousand pieces.  But, that was my fault sort of, because I normally put the sink stopper plug in it cuz I know the cats are obsessed with it.

Well, I'm gonna wrap up.  Things between me and the "hubby" are amicable.  We've talked at length about why this is happening, and some of it is my fault.  I was in a bad place for a long time.  Psysically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and he slowly fell out of love with me, and began to resent me.  I keep trying to tell him that the current me, is 180* different, but its too late. 
So, all I can do is continue to work on me, to better me, and to prepare for the future.

I'll try and update more often again.  LOVE YOU ALL!!!