The BIG Game, and Why I Chose WLS

Well, my birthday was last week.  I was kind of dreading it, because it was my first after getting divorced.
I worked on my actual birthday, and it was awful.  It was payday, and everyone was there cashing checks.  At one point, I literally ran out of money.  I'd given one customer $200 in $5's and had a line of angry impatient people glaring at me.  All I could do was apologize, say I'm getting a loan, and then say "its my birthday, you can't be mad at me.  :)"  

So, the next day I went to the University of Texas vs Brigham Young University game at UT in Austin as my birthday present.
I'd heard about it through the mid-singles facebook page, so I assumed it was a mid-singles activity.  I imagined meeting some older guys, and having fun at the game making new friends.
Yeah, nope.....
It was a BYU Alumni sponsored event.  So, my friend and I went up, and at the tailgate party, were surrounded by BYU alum and families and couples and most of them had flown down from Utah.
It was still fun, but not what we expected.

Tail Gating

The game too, was fun, but again, not what we expected.  We were in the very very very top section.  It made it nice though, because we could lean against the railing on our backs.

I learned right away that I am a UT girl.  I wasn't sure which way I'd go at first, and the second it started, I knew.  This made sitting in the BYU section awkward!  They'd all stand and cheer and I'd sit there, and when it was our defense up, and we needed to be noisy, or we'd score, I'd be hooping and hollering, nearly by my lonesome. 



I loved all the band stuff.  Made me miss marching band, and wish I could be in a university band.  I was impressed.

The game itself was really close.  BYU was in the lead most of the game, with 2 field goals, and the UT scored a touchdown and fieldgoal, leading by 1.  Luckily, they held onto the lead, and won the game!!  YAY! 

Coming onto the field

After UT won



I had a good time, even if it wasn't what I'd anticipated.  I did however really really feel the void of my (ex)husband not being there.  UT is HIS team.  Half his wardrobe is UT shirts.  I thought about him close to the entire time, and how he woulda loved it.  How he shoulda been there.  :/


The next day, I gave a talk at church on Prophets of God during Sacrament meeting.  I went over my allotted time, but I think I delivered a good talk.  :)

Here's the outfit I wore last week.....

As for my weight loss progress.....I've hit a slump.  Again, it happens every other month at the very least. I start eating more and more carbs, and can't stop.  I couldn't turn down the cake in the breakroom, or the leftovers my friend left for me.  Or the candy I'd split with people. 
UGH.
I'm certainly not losing right now, if anything I've gained a pound or two....  :P
But I've acknowledged it, and am TRYING HARD to stop. 
I'm obsessed with the Popsicle brand sugar free popsicles.  I eat probably 10 a day.  They're only like 5 carbs.  (which, do the math, that's a lot of carbs, I know, but shhh!!)

IF I am strict on my diet, here's how my daily meals tend to go.....
Morning:  hard boiled egg, or protein shake (PS)
Lunch: chicken or tuna salad, or egg, PS, or cheese
Breaks at work/snack: cheese stick, and nuts
Dinner: fajita chicken meat, or PS, or crab meat, or cheese, or turkey dog, or pork rhinds and cheese dip.

Really very little variation.  I've even gotten comments about it at work.  I don't do many veggies, because its a "waste" of tummy space when I need to get in my proteins.
Fruit is all carbs, and makes my stomach hurt, even though I've bought some this grocery trip. 
No breads unless I'm cheating, but I do have some crackers with my chicken salad.

I take a TON of vitamins to make up for my lack of fruits and veggies.  Every blood test I've taken post surgery shows good levels.

I can consume between 3-6 oz.  I have pushed past it before, and I severely regret it afterward. 

I've had a few people question my decision on doing weight loss surgery lately.  I think it's because I'm at a point where I'm not SEVERELY overweight anymore, and it seems like a cop-out.
I even had someone call me a cheater.
As you can see from my daily meal plan, there's nothing EASY about this.  I KNOW when I eat carbs, I will stop my weight loss, and potentially gain.  I am human, and I can only be strong for so long before breaking.  I do my best to fix it though.

My weight loss surgery has changed my life.  I was 307 lbs.  I was depressed, and in chronic pain in my foot every single day.  I was pre diabetic and had fertility problems.  And on A LOT of medication.
Today, I've lost 92 lbs, can walk long distances with little concern towards my feet, have my blood sugar well under control, and feel less depressed now (divorce and all) than I did back then.

I had tried Weight Watchers, and lost 55 lbs in a year.  Had I not torn a ligament and gotten nerve damage in my foot, I may have been able to continue that trend, and lost all that I needed to.  Unfortunately, my injury kept me from exercising at all, and I gained it all back. 
For me, WLS was my option.  It was my saving grace. 
It may have caused additional problems in my marriage, but it didn't cause them all.
And, there's NO way I would be as well off as I currently am IF I was still 307 lb, broken, sad Manda.

I may look different, but I FEEL like me.  I honestly, for the most part, still feel like I did 92 lbs ago.  I'm still Manda, I'm still a goof, I just don't feel fat, don't hurt, and am not depressed.

I am however, lonely.  I'm trying to make good choices, and not depend on a warm body, just because it's there.  My counsellor wants me to focus on working on me, and not replacing my husband. 
I know she's right, and that's pretty much is what it still is at this point. 
I'm just lonely and impatient.  I'm ready to start my family and live "happily ever after".  Not be single and struggle to survive on my own.  BLUGH. 

Ok, I went off on a side road there. 
In summary, I do not regret my decision to have weight loss surgery one bit.  It's NOT an easy way out by any means.  It was a ridiculously painful surgery, and the strictest diet I've ever been on. 
But like I said pre-surgery, it's worth it to me to sacrifice food to have my health, to be able to walk, and to have a baby. 
For any of you out there considering it, just weigh the pros and cons out.  Can you try a strict diet on your own first?  GO FOR IT, and if there's something in the way (like my foot injury), then this may be for you. 

Ok, good luck, be safe, and good night!!
Manda

To Continue...

OK, so we decided to go ahead with Gastric Bypass.  This is a big deal, because if I ever brought it up for myself, or my mother for my dad, it was a touchy subject, and a big deal.  The possibilities of complications or death made it too scary to consider.  But after doing my Pro/Con list, we saw that the good outweighed the bad.  Namely: it would help my foot A LOT, it would reverse my prediabetes, and my PCOS, so I could get prego.  Oh yeah, and I'd lose weight.  I figured giving up food would be a good exchange for all that. 

So I went to my PCM (primary care physician), and he gave me a referral to have it done on post.  When having it done on post, the bariatric surgeries fall under General Surgeries.  Therefore, basically EVERYTHING gets precedence over you.  You are not an emergency, and it's an elective surgery.  Ugh, oh well, so I continued. 
I went to the Bariatric Seminar, which is mandatory for all possible candidates.  I was screened, passed all the criteria, and learned about the differences and risks and yadda yadda yadda in the lap band, vertical sleeve, and gastric bypass.
To me, the LapBand wasn't aggressive enough.  It restricted your food intake, but that was all.  The sleeve removes 7/8th's of your stomach, which restricts intake, and removes the production of the hunger hormone -ghrelin.  And lastly, the bypass seperates by staples an egg/walnut sized pouch from the rest of your stomach, and then reroutes your intestines from the pouch, to about a foot lower on the intestine tract, than it originally was.  (hence the name bypass).  This causes malabsorption, which causes MASSIVE and fast weight loss.  Because you are not absorbing most of what you eat, and you can't eat hardly anything. 

When I asked why a person would choose the sleeve over the bypass, the Colonel doctor told me that when dealing with ulcers, or gallbladder issues, its better to have your stomach there, rather than removed.  Well, that was good enough for me, and I wanted results quickly, so I got on the list for Bypass.

Well, scratch that.  I decided on bypass.  First though, I had to have a psych evaluation to prove I was sane enough and had a support system, and not an obsessive eater. 
I do have an obsessive personality, so I was really sweating this evaluation.  I got a letter from my podiatrist stating the benefits of the surgery on my foot.  I told him about my previous bouts of depression, but that I am in counselling, and it's not an issue anymore. 
The psychiatrist dude took like 5 minutes, talked at me more than to me, and then sent me to take the test.  It was a general test, and stupid questions, so he advised to not overanalyze the answers, just do what fits you most.  The 3 hour slotted appt lasted 30 mintues.

Ok....so here comes another conflict.  My husband gets scheduled to go to BNCO (pronounced B-Noc, Basic Non Commissioned Officer school), a 3 month stint in Virginia from June 1st- Sept 1st.  Well, I had NO clue when my surgery would be, but there was a GOOD chance it'd be in that window.  So, his commanders told him if I could get them a letter stating my surgery date, he could get out of it. 
Well, I tried, and the psych eval still hadn't gone thru.  So, I called and begged the receptionist lady to push it through.  She did, and told me, "in a year from now, I want you to look in the mirror at your new self and remember me". 
So, I get put on the list.  I am #3, and the head nurse says over and over how she can't give me any guesstimation of when I will have my surgery, because she has no idea. 
Well, it was a miracle that he was able to get out of BNOC on the potential of surgery.

So, I'm waiting.  I call back every 2 weeks to a month, and I get a hint from a nurse that surgery could be potentially 2 weeks per person on the list.  (and I'd moved to #2).  So, I am thinking and telling people "surgery this summer".  I even get "confirmation" from the head nurse that it could be July or August.

Months go by, and it becomes "August or September", then "September or October".  And as always, the Army keeps assigning my husband out, and he was scheduled to go to NTC for a month, and JRTC for a month.  Again, we're worried surgery will happen during this time, so he is able to stay on rear detail for one, but has to go to another.  And.....still no surgery.  Still #2.  Still living pre-surgery life and eating foods I will be giving up forever.  Still living in constant anticipation.

At the end of September, I finally decide to start looking into going to a civilian hospital.  A friend had just had the sleeve done there, and was in and out with the whole process in a month.  The main difference, she paid cash, I am using army insurance. 
So, I call two local hospitals, get the ins and outs, and what hoops I'd need to jump through. 
I learn that I'd basically have to start over.  I'd have to take their seminar, get my psych eval transferred over, meet with their docs, and get on the bottom of the list. 
Hospital A doesn't do the bypass, only sleeve or lap band, but could do the surgery "in the next month".  Hospital B offers bypass, but there was no chance I'd have surgery before next year.  So, I research the sleeve, and the differences, and came to the conclusion that I'd be happy with that surgery. 

I get on their pre-seminar list, fax over the psych eval, and whatever they needed. 
A month later, I go to the seminar, and am really excited.  They have openings for November, I like the surgeon, and had an appt with him the next day.
The next day I go see the surgeon (which is farther than I EVER got with the army hospital), and he assumes I am there for the lapband because of my insurance.  I say, noo...sleeve, and he is the FIRST of a dozen people to inform me that the military insurance does not cover the sleeve by civilian doctors!!!!!
WHAAAAT??!!!!!! Are you FREAKING kidding me??????

He promises to try to get it approved anyway, and "assures" me, he can make it happen, so we go ahead and schedule my Nutritionist appt too.

TBC next blog

Here We Go....

Well, Hi, and welcome to my new blog!  This is my first blogging experience, so bare with me. 
My name is Manda, and I have been trying for a year now to have weight loss surgery done, and have gone through a lovely rollercoaster, with still no results. 
Today was a particularly devastating day, so I decided I needed to vent and express myself some, and maybe someone out there would wanna hear about it, or heck, maybe even benefit from it. 

Ok, so about me: 
I am a big girl.  Ha, bet you couldn't guess that!!  I am a goof, I love to laugh and smile, though I admit, I don't always do it.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE animals of every shape and size, and have my own personal zoo at home.  (I'm sure I will be referencing them sometime).
I am an Army wife.  One of the biggest influences on this rollercoaster ride, is the military insurance and hospital. 
I love to scrapbook and make cards, and well, anything that gets my creative juices flowing.  It's an addiction, I admit, but one I love!!

Since I was about 9 maybe, I started to get chubby, and have struggled with my weight my entire life.  I have a couple contributing factors; I have PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome.  http://women.webmd.com/tc/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos-topic-overview
PCOS (imbalance of hormones) for me has caused weight gain, insulin resistance/pre-diabetes, infertility, and I'm sure some other lovely things, but those are the biggies.
I've also had 2 doctors now suggest I may have Lymphodema in my legs.  Joy.

I have gone on many diets many times, and was most successful about a year ago with Weight Watchers.  I lost almost 55 lbs.  I attribute a large portion of my success to my husband being deployed, because I could control what foods came into my home.  Between him coming home, and my hurting my foot, over the next year, I put it all back on.  (I'm not blaming my husband for my weight gain, its just a factor.  He can eat anything without gaining a pound, and we can only afford one set of groceries, ya know, anyways.)

Regarding hurting my foot- in summer of 2009, I was doing WW and training for their 5k challenge.  To train, I'd go to the gym, and every day I would walk the 5k as fast as I could.  Well, I already had Plantaar Fasciitus, so I wore orthodics, and had a lot of pain after being on them a while.  Then I began walk/running and one day, my foot got to hurting like it always does, and the pain never went away.  I saw a doc, and the xray showed a heel spur.  I went to a podiatrist, and he said I have a torn ligament, so I was put into a cast for 6 weeks.  I still had pain, so now he thinks its ligament and nerve damage. 
That's where the WLS (weight loss surgery) came up.  A nurse at the podiatrist shared her story with gastric bypass, and she and the doc agreed that my losing a significant amount of weight would help my foot issues. 
So, around January 2009, I made a pro/con list, talked it over with my husband and decided to pursue gastric bypass surgery. 

ok, I have a housefull of hungry animals, so I will continue in another post!
TTYL!!