Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Explanation: What's Been Going On

Well, sorry for my last post, and my lack of posting.  Its been the hardest week of my entire life.
On Friday my husband asked for a divorce over Yahoo IM while being deployed.
I will spare all the details, but I will say that, to me, this came out of left field.

I will say though, that before joining the army, and before having weight loss surgery, PLEASE pray long and hard, and weigh whether its worth risking your marriage or not.
Of course I thought my hubby and I were above all that, and couldn't be touched. 
Apparently, we too, are human.

He thinks we have grown apart, and have lost our love.  I can't deny that to a point, but I can deny it being over.  I am, and have let him know that, I was sealed in the temple to him for time and all eternity, and I have every intention of staying with him.  
He is not taking this very well.  He's doing all he can to convince me its over.

As of now, we have discussed dividing assets, and are separated.  Since he's already far far away, we are simply limiting our interaction with each other.  Its been.....different to say the least.

The bright news out of all of this, is it has brought me back to the church.  I immediately knew I needed my faith and the Lord to get me through this.  I went this past Sunday, and really enjoyed myself.  I spoke with the bishop, and he gave me some good councel. 

Within a matter of days, I have become a completely different person.  I am calm, and at peace, and full of faith for whatever may come.  This is not to say I haven't had a few breakdowns, but once its over, i am full of peace again, and can get up and dust myself off.

The second "good thing" to come of all this, is I have been dropping weight like crazy.  I can't stomach much food, and I have been exercising 2-3 times a day!  I hit and passed 250 the other day, and hit and passed losing 60 lbs.  i am now 246 and 61 lbs down.

Anyways....I do not hate my husband.  I love him as much now as I always have.  I'm not 100% sure we'll get through this, and I am preparing for the worst, but I am praying and hoping for the best.
In the meantime, we will stay married until he comes home from deployment. 

Hope I didn't bum anyone out too much.  Baby, if you happen to read this.  I miss you and I love you.  Good night,


Angela said...

Honey I love you. I can't imagine what you're doing. I'm glad you have found comfort in the Lord. HE is who got me through years of illness. HE is who carries me through my struggles and stress. HE loves you and understands your pain.

Manda said...

Thank you! I feel Him with me, which is something I haven't felt in a long time. I needed a serious slap to get it together. We could use any prayers you have to spare!!

Anonymous said...

oh yeah, exact thing happened to me, been there done that, I pray you two can work it out. I'm here if ya need me


Sheila said...

I am so sorry Manda! That is really hard to take and especially since you can't sit down face to face and discuss this I'm sure that is making it extremely hard. You sound like a very strong person and I am thinking that you will make it through this and come out the other side in a better place. It's just the journey from here to there that is difficult. Hugs, and sending thoughts to you.

Stacia & Jean Zintz said...

It's unbelievable....I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you! I can relate in so many ways - esp the "im not done, i'm not giving up!" I'm so glad you have found comfort in Heavenly Father's love for you. Know that He loves you so much and when you feel alone, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU TO BEAR THESE PAINS AND BURDENS ALONE! That saved me. You are both in my prayers. Know i am here if you need me. Hugs! Stacia

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you both. It is a tough road, but not endless. During our trial, I always told myself and the boys "we will be ok...I don't know what ok means right now, but we will be ok". And we have been. And we are better than "ok". We made it through with our family intact. That's not always the case but Heavenly Father knows what is best for you and for David and whatever that is, you will both be better than ok...whether it's together or seperate. Be willing to accept whatever it is. It may be a sprint, it may be a marathon, but you have the strength and resources to get through it. Hugs to you! Tricia

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness so sorry to hear about you and your husband. I sure hope that whatever the outcome is you are happy in the end.

Congrats on losing 60! that is fantastic!

Sheila said...

Manda, I am sure that I commented on this a few days ago but I'm not seeing my comment here. Maybe I didn't click all the way through the freakin steps we have to go through to make a comment. Grrr.

Anyway, I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I'm sure having him be deployed is making it even MORE difficult since you guys can't sit down and talk face-to-face. I hope that you can find the strength to get through this. Hugs!

Denise said...

Hang in there girl....all will work out.